Now that I have the long post out of the way (lol), I can write a monumental, if brief, update on my hysterectomy saga:
I had an appointment at KEMH last week with the head of gynaecology, after having to go back to my pshrink and get a letter containing more detailed information about my gender history and the surgery I am seeking etc and stating that in his opinion the surgery is still medically necessary. It went well, and I now officially have a surgery date for my hysto! :D So August 17th is the big day, exactly one week after my 4th anniversary as Daniel :)
There have been a few other major goings-on, too - in March I was diagnosed as having fibromyalgia (which was both good and bad, good because at least now I know why I have had such severe chronic pain all over for so many years, but bad because there really isn't a whole lot that can be done to fix it, especially because I have multiple sensitivities to medications and am allergic to the opioid drugs that are generally used as pain relief for fibro). But I'm trying to learn to predict how my days are going to be and pace myself a bit better (my natural tendency is that on the rare occasions when I do actually have a good day, I want to get up and do all the things I haven't been able to keep up while I have been having bad days - and of course this results in me overdoing it and then causing myself to have several bad days afterwards for pushing it too hard).
In addition to this, the big news was that I had a girlfriend who then became my fiancee (and as I mentioned in my previous post, is no longer either after the very heated and dramatic dispute between myself and my brother). However, I am quietly optimistic that given time, this will sort itself out. At the moment, my fiancee (for ease of comprehension I will continue to refer to her as such) has been absolutely sideswiped by her unexpected involvement in the aforementioned dispute, and on top of this she has had pressure and gossip from outside sources, has been unwell with a nasty virus and has had all sorts of issues of her own to deal with, so she is definitely in a very dark and chaotic space right now (which is why I have called on Lilith and Kali Ma to just sit with her and guide her through it, I really don't know what else to ask them to do because it's not my place to try to dictate the outcome, only to ask that they would be with her and help her find her way out the other side of all of this stuff she has happening).
I do still love her with all my heart and soul - but she has a journey of her own that she needs to focus all her time and attention on in this moment, and I understand that. I'm not going anywhere though, I will still be here when she emerges from it, and if she needs me to or allows me to, I will help her in any way I can to pick up the pieces and put them back together. All I can do for now is to send her as much love and positive energy as I can muster, and hope that the two Dark Mothers will walk with her and guide her through the darkness and chaos she is currently experiencing. I have faith that they will, because both Lilith and Kali-Ma know darkness and chaos well, and also how to navigate it.
Sara - mar a bha, mar a tha, mar a bhitheas gu brath. Tha gaol agam ort.
(As it was, as it is, as it will be ever more. I love you).