Time for some major life-shifts. So just to bring everyone up to speed, since my last post, my fiancee has now got back together with her ex, without giving me a chance to even speak to her (I didn't even get told, it was plastered all over facebook). At this point that's all anyone else needs to know about the background for this post, because I'm not going to get into who did what or said what or anything - there's no need and it doesn't change the events. And since the whole point of this post is that I'm ok, it's counterproductive to do the usual Virgo thing and analyse it to death :)
So. I will admit that I was stung when I saw the news plastered all over facebook (and I knew it was coming, despite being told otherwise) - but it didn't take me long to realise that this was exactly what it was designed to do, it had been deliberately set up for maximum damage. And so, instead of just being reactive and getting upset and hurt, I stopped, took a couple of deep breaths, and then chose to respond differently. Yes, I blocked both the offending parties on my facebook so that I wouldn't see their childish attempts to boast and cause emotional chaos - I don't need to see them behaving like little kids trolling, and I choose not to engage with that energy or be sucked into the cesspool of reactivity and anger and negativity. It's that simple. I CHOOSE not to engage with it.
In addition to this, I have temporarily deleted my facebook account - purely to give myself some time to step back, disengage from the source of the drama, and take some time out to be kind to myself and remain in this calm and centred space that I have found. I am also mindful that my little brother is now (ironically) in the position of being in the middle of drama, and he has to be feeling the fact that he introduced me to his sister, that he got between us with the argument between him and I, and that he is responsible for opening the door for my fiancee's ex to step in and take advantage of the situation and twist it like he has done.
HOWEVER. I am absolutely not holding my brother responsible for this - he and I have resolved our argument, I have no resentment or anything toward him over any of this, and I am sad that he is now in the position he is in, because it is causing him a lot of distress. My brother has supported me unfailingly through a world of shit in my life, and now it is my turn to return the favour and be there for him. And because I have disengaged with the drama involving his sister, I am fully able to be present for my brother and offer him whatever support he feels he needs from me. And I have suggested to him that he step back and take some time to be kind to himself, too, because he needs it, and he needs to disengage a little and allow his sister to stretch her wings on her own and learn to make her own choices (good and bad) and deal with the consequences.
Let me explain a little further. Because I read the stuff on facebook and have PTSD, of course my intial reaction was "OMGPANIC" - but once I had stopped, blocked and deleted the source of the dramas, I was able to step back, breathe and take a look at the bigger picture in all of this in order to determine the most appropriate way to respond to it. And here is what I know and how I chose to respond.
I know who is responsible for this situation and what they have done to cause it - and it doesn't matter. Why? Because I also know that there is a strong element of karma at work here - I know what I know about my fiancee and I, and that has not changed, but I also know that there is unresolved karma and some lessons that need to be learned, and that those need to be sorted without me. This is the journey she has of her own to undertake right now, in order to tie up those loose ends. And I love her enough to let her go with love, to find her own wings and try them and learn from it. It is neither my right nor my place to interfere with her karma or her lessons - and to attempt to do so would not only result in me getting kickback for messing with someone else's lessons and free will, but also likely cause her to resent me and possibly blame me for the situation. See, I have seen where she is headed, and I can't get involved - that's not mine to direct, it's hers and hers alone to choose how she handles and what she learns from it. And I trust her to be capable of doing that. So I let her go and just send her as much love as I can for what I know is coming. I also know that if it wasn't her ex, it would be someone or something else that would have caused our paths to part ways at this point - this is why I cannot hate him or resent him, because I know that his only role in this is as the instrument of karma, and that's not his fault. I know that the Universe will work with what it has handy at the time to deliver the lessons that need to be learned, and he just happened to be handy. I am not quite in a space where I can send him some love yet, but I'm working on it. Right now, I'd say I am indifferent toward him - I don't blame him or have any negative feelings toward him, because I know what I know about his role. But I have not quite got to the point yet where I can love him for his involvement in this - but it's still only a couple of days since I was hit with the total body blow, so give me time, it will come :) I think I'm doing pretty well just to not hold any negativity toward him, this early in the scheme of things :)
I have had the word "TRUST" hammered home so much in the last couple of days since this situation happened - and that's exactly what I am doing. I trust that this situation is all in hand and that it will go exactly as it should. I trust that what I know is right. I trust my girl to be fully capable of doing what she needs to and learning the things she needs to learn, and of seeing the truth and acting on it when she needs to. I *trust*.
I also had a nice reminder given to me about birds and iron fists vs. open hands. See, what happens when you have a little songbird is that the tighter you try to hold it, the harder it will struggle to be free, and the more likely you are to crush it so that it can't sing any more. And what I am seeing is that someone wants to hold that songbird with an iron fist (although at this point yes, it is encased in a velvet glove for appearances' sake). In contrast, if you just sit quietly and still with an open hand, the songbird may just choose to sit with you and sing for you. So this is what I am choosing to do. I have let go, with love, and am sitting quietly and patiently with an open hand. I know what has to go down, I know what I need to work on in the meantime while she has her own path to follow and I'm working on it, and I can sit and be calm and centred and wait for it all to play out. Because I know that what is meant to be, will be, and that's all that I need to know. I have chosen to view this situation with Love and compassion and a much deeper understanding and broader perspective than just the surface events. And this is why I don't need to engage with the facebook drama - because I am just working on a completely different level to that, and I have no *need* for it. I don't need to be sucked into reactive emotional wars; I don't need to lay blame or point fingers or make accusations or hold resentment. I am just choosing to be fully present and fully *aware* of the situation and all of its subtleties, and to be in the moment and flow with Love. There is more than enough negativity in this kind of situation without me responding with more, or creating or feeling more negativity than it needs. And you know what? I'm tired of all the negativity in the world, honestly. I don't need or want to engage with it or create any more of it. I am a better man than to get caught up in all those base emotions and just *react* - I am fully aware that it is much better to breathe, step back, and choose how I *respond* to the situation, with Love and Compassion (for everyone involved in this situation, including the person who could quite easily be seen as the "bad guy" in all of this for their actions. But I choose not to label them that way - there is no "bad" or "good" in this situation, it just *is*).
Sometimes, Love means knowing when to let go and allow someone to explore their own boundaries and limits, make their own choices and mistakes and learn their own lessons. I understand that, and I am totally ok with it. I love and trust her enough to let her do this. And if it happens that I never see her again, so be it. I'm totally ok with that too, because I have let her go with Love, and that means I hold no expectations of her and have no agenda. None! She is free to do as she wishes, regardless of whether it involves me or not :) I cannot control her actions and reactions, nor do I have a right to - so I have no problem with letting go of it :) The only thing I am responsible for is how I choose to *respond* to her actions or the situation or not, and my *own* actions. And I can dig that, those are things I *should* be mindful of :)
So right now, I am actually really ok, even happy :) I have no sadness, no resentment, no pain - just Love. I will close this post with a variation on the Gaelic I ended my last post with, because at this point I feel this is a little more apt (although, all that I have said about Love still applies):
Mar a bha, mar a tha, mar a bhitheas gu brath. Ri tragadh, s'ri lionadh.
(As it was, as it is, as it will be evermore. With the ebb, and with the flow). <3
To all of you who have read this - much Peace, Love, and Compassion to you. Thank you <3