It is no coincidence that in the last week or so I have found myself in a beautiful space of complete trust, joy, love, compassion, gratitude and faith - at the same time this has happened and I have literally had tears of joy and gone to sleep with prayers of thanks and woken the same way, I have had many dear friends who have suffered the most horrendous heartbreak :(
I have had one friend suffer all kinds of huge family and work-related dramas which have hurt her to the core; one who has lost a large number of her beloved angora rabbits in the space of a couple of days (and at this stage it looks like she will lose at least another two who are critical); and several other people close to me who have been suffering so much pain and confusion and betrayal.
It is kind of a weird time for me - on the one hand I have found myself far more stable and happy than I have ever been in my entire life, and in a constant attitude of gratitude and love - but on the other, I hurt so deeply for my dear friends and loved ones who are in pain right now for so many different reasons. And while I hurt so deeply for these people who are dear to me, I am also in a much better space now to be able to be there for them (and in some cases without them knowing because we have had a falling-out or they are not talking to me at this point) and give them so much of my time and energy. I am also noticing that with every single person who is going through this pain, there is literally almost nothing practical that I can do to help them - every single one of their situations requires spiritual and emotional support more than anything else.
So at this point in time I am spending literally almost 24/7 in constant prayer, ritual or meditation for my loved ones who are suffering - it's all I can do for these people who mean so much to me, and I wish there was more that I could contribute to help them, but at least I can do this much. I suppose in a small way it is both a lesson in, and an opportunity to exercise, unconditional love and compassion, and the more dear ones I am finding who are in pain the more I am opening to Love and Compassion and being able to let it flow through me to those who need it most.
This shift into Love and Compassion has been happening with me in particular for the last week or so (probably before that, but the last week especially it has really kicked in) - I think that writing my post More Musings on Love was the turning point so to speak. Since I wrote that post I have felt this shift and the Love and Compassion it has brought, building and expanding exponentially. And with the discovery in the last 3 or 4 days of at least 5 people very dear to me who are in pain and needing as much love and compassion as they can get, I feel that it is about to explode into something huge. I really can't explain it any further than to say that I have a strong gut feeling that I am about to get far bigger with Love and Compassion than anything I could have ever imagined possible, or that I could have visualised myself being. I am coming into a WHOLE new state of being, and I am at the same time both excited for this, and sad because I know that there will be some people in my life who will be left behind because they are just not ready to follow it and make the shift themselves.
All I can do then I suppose is to add these people to my list and send them as much Love and Compassion as I can, and hope that somehow they feel it and it helps them to make the shift into that higher consciousness of Love and Compassion for themselves. Otherwise I guess all I can hope is that if their road has to veer away from mine for a while, at some point in the future it will once again intersect with mine and maybe even run alongside it so we can walk together again.
My beloved friends and loved ones, I am here and doing what I can. For those who choose to separate their paths from mine for now - I let you go with love and the prayer that our roads will meet again one day and we will walk together in Love. But know that even though I let you go, you are neither forgotten nor unloved - far from it. You are in my thoughts and prayers every single day, and I love you more than you could possibly know. Thank you for what you brought with you into my life, and for what you shared with me while you walked alongside me for a while. It has changed me and made me a better man, and I can't tell you how important your contribution to my life has been. I will miss you, and I hope that this won't be the last we will see of each other, and that I can give you at least some of what you have given me <3